Local Native Arrested

by William Jefferson Reddnec, III 

Joe, “Pumpkinbutt” Jones, a member of the local S’Kwash tribe was arrested yesterday for indecent exposure near Downtown S’Kwim.  He was arrested by the S’Kwim police for having a pants waistline below the legal limit, and wearing his pants backwards.  He should have known this was a progressive state where backward movements are not allowed. 

According to bi-standers there was a heated exchange between Joe and the arresting officer:  “But Officer, this is who I am!”.  “Don’t call me a Butt Officer, I’m a patrolman.  You're being a little too cheeky towards a law officer“.   The officer was eventually given an ovation by the bi-standers for behaving so smashingly. 

It was not clear what the implications are for the young low-riders in the area, but the only complaints filed so far have been against overweight men, plumbers, and Joe. 

Joe was obviously very upset with the entire incident, and was becoming more flushed as the situation continued.  He was taken to the station, booked, and asked to return for a Thanksgiving Day appearance. 

Obscene Pumpkin For Sale.  $500

Why be the butt of Halloween Party jokes when this perverted little pumpkin can take your place.  Your party guests will “Crack-Up”  trying to guess the pumpkins gender.  A once in a lifetime opportunity.  These kinds of pumpkins just don’t grow on trees.  Purchase includes free pickup and delivery.